Join the Army! Travel to exotic, distant lands. Meet exciting, unusual people, and kill them. And while you're at it, get a boob job.

The New Yorker: Press Releases

"'Soldiers in all four branches of the military and members of their immediate families can get face-lifts, nose jobs, breast enlargements, liposuction, or any other kind of elective cosmetic alteration, at taxpayer expense,' Karen Schaler reports in the New Yorker. 'Anyone wearing a uniform is eligible,' Dr. Bob Lyons, the chief of plastic surgery at Brooke Army Medical Center, in San Antonio, says. There is no limit on the number of cosmetic surgeries one soldier can have...According to the Army, Schaler reports, 'between 2000 and 2003 its doctors performed four hundred and ninety-six breast enlargements and a thousand three hundred and sixty-one liposuction surgeries on soldiers and their dependents. In the first three months of 2004, it performed sixty breast enhancements and two hundred and thirty-one liposuctions.'

Mario Moncada, an Army private who was recently treated for the loss of an eye in Iraq, says that he knows several female soldiers who have received free breast enlargements. 'We're out there risking our lives,' he says. 'We deserve benefits like that.'"

This is yet more proof of the 'economic draft' in the United States, where young men and women from poor backgrounds with little money and fewer prospects feel that the only way they can get out of the ghetto and afford a college education, sorry, I mean enlarged breasts, is to join the army.

I never really noticed this with Jessica Lynch, mind you. She looked rather flat-chested to me.