woensdag, juni 22, 2005

Froot Loops and other weapons of mass destruction

Dude, I am so with Saddam Hussein on this whole Froot Loops business. They are fucking gross. They stick to your teeth like Cap'n Crunch, which is also positively noxious and I swear cancerous, or at least perilously cavity-expediting, and taste so not like fruit in any way - or rather they do, but in the same way that that banana-flavoured childhood-ear-infection-retarding gelatinous goop tastes like bananas.

I do think he goes too far in his endorsement of Raisin Bran, Doritos and Cheetos, mind. The latter two leave your fingers coated in this radioactive orange powder shit - and who wants that? - and, if we're honest here, just taste like corn-coated nothing anyway. And two scoops of raisins? Yeah, so what? That's two scoops too many for me, buddy.

But really, who cares? The Froot Loop aspect - sure it makes for a quirky hook for a lazy sub-editor or journo plagiarising the famous GQ
interview with former guards of the Butcher of Baghdad, but dig a little deeper comrades. Did no one else find it curious that Saddo also said to the guards that he hated the two Bush presidents, thought Clinton was 'Okay', but pined for good ol' Gipper? Could it quite possibly be that the reason he looks fondly on the Reagan years, just as the neo-cons do, is because it was on Ronnie's watch that the Yanks supplied him with high-tech equipment, chemical and biological weapons and millions of dollars' worth of their conventional cousins that he used against the Iranians and Kurds, backed him diplomatically and passed on high-value military intelligence to help him target the aforementioned Iranians and Kurds, including information from US satellites?